Yes, I do.
Then the fall down is super hard and emotionally hurtie. Opportunity knocks but I can’t seem to get to the door to answer. I am still in recovery mode, making the feeling of inadequacy more real. I have talked about this is different formats; yet, the end results are the same.
I do have to thank all of you for being my besties. Sure, we get on each other’s nerves at time, run into language barriers (most being the English vs. English), but the majority of the time, we love each other. Our community, like a good number found on the planet, is unique and sometimes weird. Okay, for me it is mostly weird.
The collapse of my radio show was the biggest hit, to be honest. The dream of coming out from under the gloomy Saskatchewan setting is broken. I will remain as I have always been: unlucky. Or not.
“Unluck”, I think, may be a construct. Do we create this idea or do events mashed together to cause us to believe this … concept? Unfortunately, episodes are part and parcel of living in this space. I keep reminding myself to remain positive through the strife, though it is rather difficult due to present circumstances. I have gone back to listening to audiobooks, as the spoken version of my favourite books seems to carry some of the weight away. Unlike booky books, I do find it easier to fall asleep whilst listening. I have accumulated a fair number of badges on Audible, partially due to this small inconvenience.
I spoke to a courier a few months ago and he said hosting a late-night blues show on CFCR in Saskatoon was his saving grace through the grumbly times. He did encourage me to keep up with my Classical music mixes, regardless of the fact they are made on my laptop. He did not consider his “career” to be delivering packages to the middle of nowhere, but the fact he could listen to music in his car and the odd show on his mobile made it worth it. There is no such thing, in his opinion, of a dream job. Those that say there is, have too much money and time. I agree. To finish the idea, these same people seem to spend the money they do have trying to achieve an even greater fantasy, which becomes a nightmare.
That one break is what I need, whether it being a position as an office administrator or creative writer for a local radio station. My short-story career will only be one for the duotang crowd – self-publishing the good ol’ inkjet way.
My driver friend’s best piece of advice for me to remember when I get frustrated about not knowing much about the DJ business is this:
“What is the difference between a 7-inch and a 12-inch? Five inches.”