Tag Archives: Mental Illness

Christmas Wrap Up


It is that time of year again for me to complain about not wanting anything to do with Christmas. In some ways I won a little, as Richard has been feeling rather unChristmassy: we did not put up the big tree. My little fiber optic one is filling in the void.

My animals were to get the treatment, but I could not be arsed.

It is not all bad; we are going to the UK next year! I am not sure when it will be, as cost is the biggest obstacle. We do have enough funds to get there, only now we have to save for the visit. That is very much doable.

What to do until then? “First, you need to get the cars fixed,” you say. “Yeah, but after that?” I ask. I need to sit and do research on our destination. Richard has three things on his list:

1. A photo of Buckingham Palace
2. A photo of Big Ben
3. A visit to Stonehenge

I have three times a thousand-million things I want to do. I am so thankful for my lovelies in the UK who will be our hosts. OMGOSH!

On a health standpoint, things are the same. I am still crazy. Crazy in a good way, I hope. The down moments still happen, but you know what? I take them with a pack of pencil crayons or a dash of music mixing. I still have diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. Though, I have discovered probiotic drops are doing some good work. My rear in review will happen next week; be prepared.

You caught that? 😉

I sent out my annual ‘There is No War on Christmas’ greeting cards. Oh, its usually the same people guity of blaming the Atheists for Christians being oppressed, not realising they are doing to themselves. What would ikkle (borrowed this word from my friend Tony 😊) baby Jesus do?

Not much. The Christians believe God came to the Earth as Jesus to save sinners. In this example, he would be thinking: “I have to add more to the list. Gosh.”

No matter what side you are on during this season, remember just love each other; don’t give in to the hate. As we prepare to celebrate Christmas with Richard’s parents and sister, we remember those who have left us and those who are too far away. Take everyone in your heart, hold them tight and tell them how much you care, no matter how silly it sounds.

Richard and I wish you all a great holiday.

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Filed under Contentment, Downtime, Progressive Christianity, Vacation

Off the Path

Good evening everyone. I have been away for a week or so. I am having a tough time right now as I had been off my meds for a couple of days due to a counting mistake. I have been back on then as of Wednesday, but my body has not got the message yet. Due to the sudden change in functionality I have not bee geared up to write. My poetry has taken a break, my story writing has taken another break, in essence, my imagination has taken a break.

Certain events over the last couple of days have been a good indication that I may need to stay on my medication. From the beginning I knew that I will be on these pills for the rest of my life, but a part of me was hoping for a temporary break. I am sure diet and meditation will help in my treatment, do not get me wrong, but in order to maintain some semblance of order in the waves I need medication. I find listening to Petroc Trelawny at 1.30 (BBC 3 Breakfast starts at 12.30 am CST during the winter) very relaxing, even if the bit following is a boisterous trumpet sonata. I have found his commentaries on BBC Radio 4 rather enlightening and informative. Oh, I will not say his voice is perfect to help me fall asleep, not at all. He makes me comfortable. He makes me want to learn more about what I am listening to. By 3.00 am Breakfast is over and my brain is looking for something else to get excited over.

A friend suggested meditation. Meditation is new to me; I was a tad afraid of it. The idea of releasing tension but temporarily putting aside troubles and concerns felt far-out, hippy-like, cosmic, and a bit … wrong. Meditation is nowhere near wrong, it is a great way to let all your trouble fall out of your feet. If I am still awake past 2.00 I use a meditation app to help me get back to sleep. At this time it is too early to get up and at ’em, so I need to get back to sleep so I can get up at 6.04 am. Four times out of ten I fall back to sleep. The six times out of ten I am still awake trying to figure out how to turn off the app or finding out one of my friends in the UK has missed their bus. That means a failed attempt at relaxation, but a good chuckle to start the day. If all else fails I will read some of C. S. Lewis’ writings; those seem to help speed up the sleep process.

If by chance I sleep until my 6.04 am alarm buzzer goes off, I am in a fairly good mood. Sometimes. I think most of you that follow me of Facebook or Twitter know the difference between a good day and a bad day – I tell you. Now I have another way to alleviate the stress of the day. I do not think meditating to get back to sleep are what the applications are designed for. The goal is to have a complete and restful sleep from the time I go to bed. Actually, not all the apps are designed for sleep, but just a good peaceful moment after a long, hard day. There are applications to use to help fall asleep, but sometimes when I am at that point of nodding off, the presenter speaks. So much for that. Some people, like Richard, can fall asleep to the television or music, I cannot. My senses gravitate towards the noise, even if it something I have heard before.

This is something I have to keep trying, as I need to get a good night’s sleep. This will help me mentally and physically. It will also help with my relationship with Richard, which thankfully has not been as affected as I thought it would be. He does tease me a bit over the fact I have stated meditating, but the end result will be beneficial for both of us.

Plus, my C. S. Lewis book is almost done.


Photo: ©2014 ClipartPanda.com



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Filed under Arts and Mines, Contentment, Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment, Learning New and Old, Poetry in Emotion


I had an interesting experience yesterday.

I was going through another day of fretting, which led to a night of fretting. Today (Tuesday, 9 February 2016) seems to nothing but ill-fitting underwear. Not fretting about that because those I can change. Well, not if I am at work. I do not make it a habit to carry an extra pair of panties to work. Should I?

Yesterday was a prime example of humans being people.

I have been suffering with a cold that I think I received through conversing on the Internet. I am certain. Yes, Richard has a cold as well, but I do not want to blame him. It is much easier to accuse an inanimate object than my husband. Whilst sitting at my desk going through a coughing spree, I was asked by a person seated in the visting section if they needed to get their gun.

How do you respond? I did not say anything. Maybe this added to my already compounding anxiety. I only waited for the coughing to subside so I could continue to eat my chocolate bar. If I was not worrying about something else I would have said something. I am not very good at multitasking. I am surprised someone would have the nerve to say something like this, especially in a public space. Then again, I highly doubt I will ever be in a private place with this person.

Hopefully my massage tonight relieves some of the pressure. My friends have been kind enough to shower me with awesomeness in the way of music and jokes, and for that I am thankful.

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Filed under Fretting Muchly, Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment, Musical Fruits


I think I spelled that incorrectly.

Hey, I am finally getting help.

My family doctor has agreed to be the go-between between my two specialists, though he should have been the whole time, but at least there was an agreement. My diabetes specialist noted I was showing signs of anxiety, and after years of discussions I have been put on anti-axiety medication and sleeping medication for my sleepless moments.

Having finally been given some and recognition I can begin to get better. I will never be healed, but I now have something to look forward to.

I do not blame anyone for where I have been placed, only I question their defense when asked why it is OK to make someone feel horrible. As mentioned before, I was bullied most of my life and when I finally gathered the nerve to respond the backlash was at times verbally violent. My father told me last night that he misses my sense of humour. So do I. My brother will not visit because he is tired of my drama. Well, so am I. To my aunt and her daughters who called me sad and mean for pointing out their racism, I remove you from my life. OK, I can’t do that very well, there will be the odd funeral I may have to attend.

I hope at least one is odd – I like a good laugh.

Though the prescriptions were only given yesterday and not picked up until the weekend, I hope to make my way back to the delightful self I never was.


Filed under Contentment, Downtime, Health Check