Good day, my classmates. As promised, dear Tony, I have included a NO song in my next installment:

I did my random-pick-a-song thing. Tony, my dear Tony, I hope you are okay with this one. 😄 I quite like the shoulder dancing bearded fellow. Much like most music I listen to, I don’t have a clue about the players involved. That is not to say I do not try to research and get all crazy-obsessed over a group or an artist; no, I do that too much.

I am still writing my stories – you can follow the progress (excuse the pun) at Wenda Writes. Musicating (the processing and reworking of music into listenable formats) is coming nicely. Let’s say that I LOVE to copy and paste. It took we about 26 hours to do the Violin I part of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture; however, I now have a template for the other instruments so the time will be cut by a few seconds. All my projects – some completely unfinished – are going according to a plan which I still have to write. I am slowly finding joy in these processes, even the ones that will never be finished. I am working on this for my friend Phoenix. Phoenix Love and his wife Mo Love have a band called Go Satta. This is one of my favourite tracks. Phoenix, you have no idea how much I adore you, your family and your fight for goodness. Thank you!

I thank George Mihaly for the introduction. Sir, you have helped enlighten my life; thank you!

On the brain-wave front, I have joined a counselling group to get the coast clear. Well, at least clear enough that I do not need to have the windshield wipers on 24/7. Just one more thing to add to my interesting life CV. I am finding humour in this for some reason. Or is it relief? I think it is relief. The sessions may not work out and I understand that is just one way to deal with my issues.

Maybe this will help me become less needy. Or less whatever. What is the word I am looking for?

I am writing this on a Wednesday, sitting in a pub. I have started to take the bus to and from work, testing to see if this works out once my situation in the job-front evens out. Oddly enough, I have less stress over this than I expected.

Yeah, just like normal.

Progressive Whatever Trevors

Let’s have a little fun here. I am tired of talking family ickiness and mental breakdowns.

Yeah, I don’t think I know how to do that either. Oh, all be dog boggled, I think we can go with our feelings. I am going to start with my Favourites on Deezer (don’t worry, I will not list all 152):

“Fields of Fire” – Big Country (Guitars sounding like bagpipes. Yes!)
“Good Fortune” – PJ Harvey (Not to be mixed up with DJ Harvey, though his offerings are rather good.)
“Paris 1919” – John Cale (I have three versions of this song on my Favourites list. Addicted muchly.)
“Dog Days Are Over” – Florence + The Machine (No animals or skid steers were injured in the playing of this song.)
“Waf-Woof” – The Springfields (Dusty Springfield pre-solo years.)
“I’m Wondering” – Skydiggers (Do I need to maintain the 35% CanCon rule?)
“California Dreamline” – Rheostatics (Their name used to proceed with a ‘The’.)
“Loving is Easy” – Rex Orange County (I blame Dave for the addition of this song to my collection.)
“Le moribond” – Jacques Brel (Though I do not understand all the words, I get the sarcasm.)
“The Lines You Amend” – Sloan (A gorgeous song, yet one I cannot share on Facebook.)
“People Give In” – Manic Street Preachers (Tony, you know I could not forget to include the Manics.)
“You Can’t Do Disco Without a Strat” – Andrew Weatherall (Though the presentation seems angry, the song is rather good. Mr Weatherall may have needed a nap.)
“Death of a Rude Boy” – Madness (Somehow the skaness makes me weak. I don’t get it, yet I like it.)
“Faster Than the Speed of Night” – Bonnie Tyler (For some reason I see Stephen Morris, of New Order Fame, going all wild and crazy on the drums on a cover of this song. That will never happen, I understand.)
“Jessie’s Girl” – Rick Springfield (My karaoke song. I am going to demand a redo of this song at the next Cosmo Christmas party, as the song started before I could get into character. The drunk dude before me got a restart. Bah!)

I ask that you check some of these songs out on YouTube. I purposely chose not to include links, as searching for these songs will lead to other amazing places, which could ultimately take you away from the original assignment.

That is a good thing.

Richard is going away on a trek to the mountains and will be stopping in to have lunch with me. I am on assignment, waiting for emails and phone calls. Oh, and blockages on Facebook due to the fact Richard does not want his next family reunion to be at Madge Lake.

Be brave, dear husband; listen to The Beatles and may the Force be with you.


Letter to the Editor

I recently received a letter from my aunt, my father’s sister. Even before opening it I knew it was an invitation for the annual family get-together on May Long. I also expected and received, a long list of reasons why she was hurt due to me not going last year. Now, I am used to receiving free guilt trips every time I try to make a decision regarding my own personal mental health and physical well-being. I end up deciding to attend these annual functions, usually against my gut, but also as a way for my mum and dad to avoid the one-day trip there and back. Yes, my husband becomes a chauffeur and our house a bed and breakfast, without the money.

As you are aware, I am slowly trying to become my own self; to own myself. I have had to give up my podcast series of audiobooks due to time and finances. I am still struggling to find a job, yet I am still filling the bank account with the odd job here and there. I am scared of not finding something permanent. Through all this striving for the most awesome position, I have become aware I am looking in the wrong place. My deep dislike for xenophobia, misogyny, racism and the hate towards my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters (I am one of them, btw). Though not a direct connection, the letter from my aunt was the final decision to look into a job that focuses on the person rather than the profit.

Today (7 March 2018) I am home taking care of Richard who is recovering from shoulder surgery. I will admit I have let out a few swear words these six days – his surgery was 1 March – but I have also collected a huge amount of respect for Richard, who has spent over twenty years working with the intellectually and physically disabled. He is learning as well how compassion can be received. I want to be able to return this service (minus the profanity) to others. I want to work in an inclusive place which strives to better people (and/or pets). I want to be able to love people for what they have to offer, even if they block our driveway with mounds of snow causing me to have a meltdown.

You had to be there.

I will have to write a letter back to my aunt. I am sure she is aware of my issues with my dad, without a doubt. Her comments about my brother I can fully appreciate; he does not visit me either. As I Christian, I am to forgive this behaviour, including hers. Guilting me into how disappointed So-and-So was due to my non-visit went a bit beyond acceptable. So-and-So should tell me. I am also to ask for forgiveness. You know how much trouble I have regarding that.

One thing at a time.

I am tempted to ask for an apology, but do I? I may get one, yet at what price? Oh, that sounds rather philosophical. I have all these amazing words in my head, however, knowing me, I will put it aside and find it sometime next year, even with all the pinging reminders of its existence.

I am waist-high in courage, only I am not too sure of how to use it. Writing myself out of the lives of my family and some of my friends may not have been the best way to go. I am better than that, says Richard. I need to offer my hand out to some of these same people who have humiliated me, as they may be my only chance to get out of the Waldheim Rut. My aunt’s letter reminded me of this point, in a non-pointy kind of way.

Boy, she is good.