Tag Archives: Barmherzigkeit

Christmas Wrap Up

Hello!

It is that time of year again for me to complain about not wanting anything to do with Christmas. In some ways I won a little, as Richard has been feeling rather unChristmassy: we did not put up the big tree. My little fiber optic one is filling in the void.

My animals were to get the treatment, but I could not be arsed.

It is not all bad; we are going to the UK next year! I am not sure when it will be, as cost is the biggest obstacle. We do have enough funds to get there, only now we have to save for the visit. That is very much doable.

What to do until then? “First, you need to get the cars fixed,” you say. “Yeah, but after that?” I ask. I need to sit and do research on our destination. Richard has three things on his list:

1. A photo of Buckingham Palace
2. A photo of Big Ben
3. A visit to Stonehenge

I have three times a thousand-million things I want to do. I am so thankful for my lovelies in the UK who will be our hosts. OMGOSH!

On a health standpoint, things are the same. I am still crazy. Crazy in a good way, I hope. The down moments still happen, but you know what? I take them with a pack of pencil crayons or a dash of music mixing. I still have diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. Though, I have discovered probiotic drops are doing some good work. My rear in review will happen next week; be prepared.

You caught that? ūüėČ

I sent out my annual ‘There is No War on Christmas’ greeting cards. Oh, its usually the same people guity of blaming the Atheists for Christians being oppressed, not realising they are doing to themselves. What would ikkle (borrowed this word from my friend Tony ūüėä) baby Jesus do?

Not much. The Christians believe God came to the Earth as Jesus to save sinners. In this example, he would be thinking: “I have to add more to the list. Gosh.”

No matter what side you are on during this season, remember just love each other; don’t give in to the hate. As we prepare to celebrate Christmas with Richard’s parents and sister, we remember those who have left us and those who are too far away. Take everyone in your heart, hold them tight and tell them how much you care, no matter how silly it sounds.

Richard and I wish you all a great holiday.

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Filed under Contentment, Downtime, Progressive Christianity, Vacation

Whoopsers!

How do I not be so upset over stuff I cannot handle? This past year I have come across a number of friends who, I think, care. I feel awful that they see my meltdowns. How do I let them know I am sorry?

I think the first step is to not apologise, or not all the time, at least. I can be a funny person, spending most of my day trying to be normal. Strange things happen to me in small doses. Unlike most of my friends, my outer scope is rather narrow. I do not have the travel experience or the broad local friendships they do. I do participate in Envy quite well, I must say.

I cannot stop people from voting for the Conservatives, the Saskatchewan Party, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, or Drake. I get emotionally tied to episodes in the news when I really should not. I feel pangs of guilt when I realise my friends and family read my outbursts. Then again, how do we encourage growth and uunderstanding if it is not first the frequent ramblings of a clausterfobic mind?

Writing helps. It works even better when words go in an order that does not sound like they were written by a walrus. I have promised to send copies of my work to my friends, but one of my stories disappeared into cyberspace. Or more like a subliminal disk space. I bloody well don’t have a clue!

Yes, writing helps. So does exercise. Richard and I have started back with the Wii. We may even get back to doing Just Dance and Zumba after watching a Suits marathon. I am still determined to beat 9000 on “Eye of the Tiger”.

One of my biggest problems is promising. I do not not do something, only my somethings end up being too much for my body to handle. The guilt of not getting something out in time, a delay due to funding, or three failed attempts at shipping breaks this girl’s heart. What do I do?

“Just be yourself,” I hear you say. This is me. I will try my hardest not to be so negative, but you do have to let me be bonkers every now and then.

The first thing I need to do is make sure I did not send my handwritten draft of my short story to recycling.

*Crossing fingers*

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Filed under Contentment, Family and Friends, Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment

Juss Cuss

If you feel you don’t fit in with a group, whether it being your workplace, a family function, or a Facebook collective, please remember that you were hired, born into, or invited for a reason. In some cases, the very people who roped you in may feel the same way. I am not saying you should do a survey, but I have a sneaking suspicion I am pretty close.

You may have people tell you to adjust your behaviour, yet it seems the one who has served thirty years at the same job (for example) did not get the same message. This may be true, but you also don’t know what changes they’ve made before you arrived on the scene; they may have been a lot worse. Stuff went on before you/me arrived. That is not to say we do not need some improvement, only thing to do is review the criticism (as this is what it is 98% of the time) and take stock of what can be changed versus what you think should be changed. Remember, you may feel you are in a place that is the personification of inbred cocker spaniels doing human things, but your introduction may have off-set the balance. You may have to re-calibrate yourself at first then slowly introduce your real self.

Goodness gracious, change can be good … for everyone. Speaking on a personal level, I am so lucky to have been able to express my innermost feelings (at a price), my dreams (no matter how far-fetched), and my artistic abilities (relating to finished projects). Take pride in change, even the bad ones. Of course, the bad one is not good, but the good one will not be bad.

I am not the same person I was two years ago or five days ago. We all have something holding us back and something pushing us forward. I have made concessions, agreements, and promises – some of these welcomed, some through sheer disapproval. Now, you know that not everyone will like you, and in turn, you will not like them. That is part of human nature. Actually, not all lions get along, so it is a NATURE thing, human or Panthera leo. Do not be upset; yet on the flipside, do not be the one upsetting. The thing about relationships is sometimes it is not about you, me, him, or her. Other times is is always about you, me, him, or her. Developing a good relationship comes with altering behaviour and accepting behaviour.

Forget the saying “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” That is a ridiculous concept. You should be prepared to support, or as I do, carry people in your heart. You cannot experience a person’s joys and sufferings, and they cannot do the same for you. We are only witnesses to each other’s happenings, whether we are physically there or we hear about it over the waves. Compassion is the key to surviving the relationship thing. When I was a practicing Christian, I found it more difficult to care about someone, for fear I was doing it wrong. No, I take that back, I cared differently. Now that I have stepped aside, I see compassion exists. There are people who I have worked with who believe in the power of the Ouija even though it is a made-up game. I giggle, but I have learned not to mention this out loud. I have seen charitableness in a thousand-million forms from my Christian brothers and sisters with no judgement (well, maybe a bit, but they are human). My Atheist and Agnostic cohorts are some of the first to step up and help someone in need. That is awesome!

It is also a crutch.

We all have background things to deal with, some are more frontal than others. I am not afraid to share. Hey, it’s all part of healing. I have learned to be nice to everyone, obvs. I have also learned to carry secrets. I have experienced high-school behaviour amongst forty year old adults. We all have. Granted, some of us are guilty of being one of the accused. Be honest. 

Please, let’s all just be good to each other. Stop collecting info on Facebook, start collecting Pok√©mon. I do not have the capacity to work at your high-speed level. You may not be able to comprehend the works of Geoffrey Chaucer. Teamwork, I think is the word I am looking for. We are in this together, but sometimes others are more enthusiastic than their partners. Punishing a friend or a co-worker for a meltdown is not how we are supposed to get things done.

Humiliation is not the key to compliance. I do not like a clean desktop (the one on a desk not a computer). You may not like photographs in silver frames. As I mentioned earlier, we need to accept the fact we need to make adjustments, we have quotas to fill, we have cupcakes to make, and sometimes the procedures change. Like living in a new city, we have to learn to read a new map.

We need to rely on each other to make sure the squeaky wheel gets greased. We need to follow the rules, yet be prepared to change things up. We all have gifts and skills along with issues and problems. If a co-worker does something to piss you off, say something. Don’t shun and play favourites; it makes you look silly. It is up to us to encourage each other and break down barriers.

By breaking down barriers, I do not mean break the coffee pot.

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Filed under Atheists Are People Too, Family and Friends, Fretting Muchly, Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment, Musical Fruits, Progressive Christianity, Work

Teevee Terry on a Dreary Day

Today is another day of rain, but you know what? Nothing. That’s all I have. I have been trying to keep a positive outlook on this, however, some people are not helping.

I want to change this. My depression is taking a bigger bite and it is affecting how I come across. I want my jolly self back. I want your help with this. Sure, we all complain about something; it’s our nature. There is goodness in you and in me.

I want that back.

So, let’s make a deal. The next person to complain about the rain gets a pair of underwear.

There will be no cost to you. I need to save for New Brunswick next summer, the UK in 2018 and the next special edition New Order single released tomorrow, but you are worth it!

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Filed under Fretting Muchly

Another Break Taken

Hi!

I am not apolgising for stepping away for a bit, I have been in need of a brain rest. Today (24 July 2016) is the last day of my week-long break from work. It is my first holiday in almost two years. I have been working in the yard and loving it. I have also spent much of my free time doing some music notating, transposing, arranging and studying the Circle of Fifths:

Circle_of_fifths_deluxe_4.svg

(photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

I am making my second Classical music mix. I am nowhere near as talented as those who do this for a hobby or a living. I do not have the gear and the magic buttons on my pooter. Ruddy heck, I don’t even know if I got the terms right. Argh. I was a bit embarrassed to do my first one:

The Bees Knees

I have decided not to compete with the others. I do not have the money or the experience to upgrade to a better system. Then again, do I have to? No. Music is a personal expression and there should be no uncomfortable feelings. I had to Google (which is now a verb and a noun) EDM. At first I thought that was a form of adult “communicating”, however, it means ‘Electronic Dance Music’. I admit this to all of you because I have no reason to be embarrassed.

A recent article came up on the BBC Radio Three website regarding the reasons why some people find Classical music difficult to comprehend and accept:

The 11 obstacles to liking classical music (and why they’re all in your mind) (1)

I want to make my own list of 11 points, but in relation to the electronic/techno/house movement. The reasons can be transposed from Classical to any form of music. I mean no offence to my friends who will be reading this. Thankfully they are great to allow me to not not know very much and are more than willing to answer my questions. 

Here goes:

Gigs are too long – Oh boy, can they ever! Though I have not been to a live DJ show, I heard they can go on for hours. I listen to programmes on the Internet , which are two to three hours. When you take into account a remix of one an Enya songs is just over eight minutes, a gig can be filled with longer diddies:

Here is the original:

In all honesty, the remix is better. Sometimes longer is better. Raves, as I think the nsme still applies, are meant to last almost forevet. I would love it. 

I find the theme song to Friends to be too long.

Gigs are to expensive – An Interwireless device has allowed me to listen to DJ sets from as far away as Hungary, Malta, Brighton and London. Most of the presenters on do their shows free of charge on various Internet radio stations. I have yet to pay-for-listing. I believe they may also pay for the privilege to play their sets. Most of the DJs have full-time jobs during the regular work week. Accountants can be bass-ass master mixers. Yo, baby!

It’s Groupist – To avoid this label, there is a bit of a class element here. I am plain girl from the Prairies who studied music. I was teased for going to a school with no band programme. My knowledge of dance music came via Friday night’s “Electric Circus” on MuchMusic. I sometimes feel out of place when I enter conversations regarding famous DJs because I have never heard of them. As mentioned, my friends have been great to let me ask questions as well as play along. I spend a heck of a lot of time on der Google when I listen to a show.

There is too much stuff to know – I cannot give a comment to this, as I am still an outsider. I think there are “rules” with regards to how many effects are added to a mix. You can have too much reverb, apparently: 10 tell-tale signs of an amateur mix (2)

You feel left out – Like any club, there are those who want to keep the doors closed and only allow someone in who is the right person, that is how human being operate. I have been made to feel more than welcome by the people in the DJ world, and they have been receptive to the music I have introduced them to. Except Thomas Tallis, no one seems to appreciate Thomas Tallis.

I have not heard of anybody – Oh yes, that is me most of the time. I am part of a few music review groups on Facebook and I see an array of selections by artists such as:

and so much more. This is an excuse. YouTube, MixCloud, SoundCloud, Bandcamp, and other music sharing sites are a great way to delve into newness. I have picked up a liking for Gregory Porter this way:

The music is in outer space – I heard this a lot when I first came across dance music, house music and the like. Funny how people jumped on the Fatboy Slim craze, but find works by artists like Taka Perry to be “out there” and “complete shite”:

There are so many Classical composers who were (and still are) treated this way. It has nothing to do with the genre just people being afraid to try new things. Like Thomas Tallis.

There is no “original” music – I thought that as well, but as I mentioned earlier, Classical composers reused their music and others. There are a number of original works done by DJs. Remixes, usually songs released previously, are melded into a one-off creation:

It does not fit in my world – Well, I don’t like Family Guy or Star Trek or Brussels sprouts, but that does not mean they do not fit in my world. I have friends and family that love one or all three of those things, and they are in my world. You have the choice not to listen in the end, however, try starting a new beginning by taking a leap into another universe:

(you gotta love his hats!)

I don’t know where to begin – Do what I did, go to YouTube and be random. It also helps to surround yourself is an odd (in a good way) mix of friends. Take a look at the music they post, there may be odd dance mix or jazz song that is catchy. Look for remixes of a favourite song; you never know what you’ll find:

It is loud, repetetive and no semblance of order – Yes, much like J S Bach:

Messiaen:

Massive Attack:

There is the odd time I just can’t take some of the DJ’s choices, and I too say the music is complex and too big for my brain. It  can take a while for a song to get started and then it does not seem to end (alluding to the first point). But this is the joy of making music. You cannot have symmetry in music, no matter what the masters tell you:

400px-Simple_sonata_form

(photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

I have no closing statement. I will leave you with this:

(1) McAloon, Jonathan. “The 11 Obstacles to Liking Classical Music (and Why They’re All in Your Mind).” Proms – The World’s Greatest Classical Music Festival. Copyright ¬© 2016 BBC, 13 July 2016. Web. 24 July 2016.
(2) “10 Tell-tale Signs of an Amateur Mix.” MusicRadar. ¬© Future Publishing Limited Quay House, The Ambury, Bath BA1 1UA. All Rights Reserved. England and Wales Company Registration Number 2008885., 7 June 2012. Web. 24 July 2016.

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Filed under Downtime, Family and Friends, Musical Fruits

BREXIT – My opinion

There are so many ways I can take this, but I think I will keep it personal. The BBC has a great visual of the results of the British EU Referendum, what some called BREXIT.

The result of the referendum (1)

On Facebook I have a group in my poss√© that voted “Remain” and some voted “Leave”. Each were emotional, empathetic, bitter, and in some cases down-right mean. I am an observer from Canada, so I technically do not have an opinion; but do I???

Yes, the pound took a thirty-year all time low hit last night (early morning), but I would get four more pounds for a hundred today than I would have yesterday, according to the Bank of Canada. That is not significant, but over time it could be, or not. Canada has just started to come out of a low dollar episode, which I feel directly at the place I work. Québec City did not get an expansion NHL team due to our shitty dollar.

Not that it is the same thing.

I took a lot of guff when I tried to convince my friends and family in Canada to vote out the Conservative Party in the general election last year. It worked for the most part, except the riding I live in voted in higher numbers for the Tories. They seemed to be blind to the fact our MP, Kelly Block, wrote a pamphlet criticising immigrants and denied (though proven in parliamentary papers) that she was involved with the Robo-Call scandal. It seems fear lead people to make decisions, though unpopular, with their emotions, not the wider aspect of the future.

I think the case for the exit from the European Union was made out of the same ingredients. The migrant crisis, the belief in the dissolution of the NHS (much like the Canadian Medicare system), and the need to be British without an extra branding on the passport:

th

I think what scares me more about this whole thing is the fact that Canadians see this as a rallying cry. So many have posted on Canadian media pages regard this vote as a vote for “independence”, a vote for “bringing Britain back”, and “Hail to the New United Kingdom” (an actual quote). Canadians, as I pointed out to a friend in the UK, are a hidden kind of stupid.

523273093

I refuse to pay to use this photo, so I am keeping their watermark on the picture. BTW, this is NOT¬†an example of “independence day”.

There were a few remarks regarding the xenophobia and racism that stemmed from the seeds planted prior to the vote. I will say that not everyone who voted to Leave are racists or bigots or xenophobes, in fact, one has helped me come to terms with my sexuality; just someone wanting the government to have more control over their economic standing. I respect my friend’s choice; I accept my friend’s choice. I understand the sadness and the anger when “hate” leads people to vote in a direction that is different from your own.

Today I saw so many people angry, sad, worried (and some for very good reason). I want you all to know, regardless of what side you were on, you need to remember to love each other. It is very difficult to do, I know. If that does not work, watch this:

(1) “EU Referendum Results – BBC News.” BBC News. Copyright ¬© 2016 BBC, 24 June 2016. Web. 24 June 2016.

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Filed under Family and Friends, Fretting Muchly, Politricks

OMGosh

I apologise for not stepping in here a little bit. Long bit, more like it. I need to discuss my feelings, my fears and my hopes that have sprung up since that awful moment in Orlando on 12 June, 2016.

image

I have been busy making stuff out of rocks, string, glue, music and trying to grow vegetables. I was finishing up a gift for a friend when I heard the news.

I have been questioning my own self as of late, and I am excited to be free of holding my true self in a room with no air, but Sunday scared the shit out of me. On Saturday I became more settled in the state of time I am living in. My stories are evolving, now I need to get back to writing them down to be looked at. The weather is making it more complicated because it is so warm. My rheumatoid arthritis is enjoying the warmth and keeping calm whilst carrying on. I have not been reading much lately, but then, summer makes it tough to curl up with a good book. See, real life continues through the questions and the answers.

I have a new haircut:

image

I have decided to go blonde and pink. This haircut also has caused some awful names, the primary one being “butch”.

Some of you may have seen my videos. The videos of me being me. You may only know me through my wordsmithing on der Facebooken, but I have started to open up more, thanks to some great people I have found over the ocean. I have disclosed my secrets, my feelings and my fears. My friends are trustworthy, caring, progressive, and most of all, loving. I am so lucky to have become friends with a great bunch over the Atlantic.

Not seagulls. The ones in Cornwall are the size of oxen.

image

(Photo courtesy of usedwigs.com)

I came across an interesting post yesterday (13 June) questioning why there has been no coverage of the events in Orlando. I had a WTF moment. Being the distributor of useless information, I shared the following link: http://www.patheos.com/Progressive-Christian. Without divulging too much, I got into a bit of trouble when I was told some people took offence to my comment as to why the pastors in Waldheim do not empathise with the LGBTQ community. Let’s just say one church included the fallen in their prayers on Sunday.

Wow.

I have to give the pastor a lot of credit, considering his other sermons which were not even close to kind. One sermon (by the associate pastor)¬†basically said gay people should be banned from the church.¬†The infamous quote “love the sinner, hate the sin” was introduced by one person in regard to how they would handle their child being gay. Yes, you still need to love them, but not accepting their sexual orientation is pretty damn near abandonment. I met some great LGBTQ youth at a function on Friday and Saturday. The love and compassion for the Lord¬†they want to spread across the span of the world is amazing considering their own lifestyle is a grievous sin – apparently. No comment was made when I mentioned God is their only judge.

Richard and I have started our UK trip planning. We are looking at 2018, but I could go over yesterday. Richard asked if I would move to the UK and I would if I could work at my job from there. I am selfish; my job is keeping me here. I have never been so relaxed and content in my job life. I would miss even the most irksome moments if I moved. Moving to Saskatoon is a more acceptable option, sadly. Moving from Waldheim will not take me away from the hatred, but it will remove me from burning something down with my heated, angry heart. There was contempt shown to me by someone who agreed there should be more compassion. My husband and my friends know the true meaning of compassion.

After going over the event of Sunday I figured it is not me with the problem. As a friend said, in regards to the gay question, “things are no longer black and white.” My LGBTQ brothers and sisters who died and were seriously injured left more than their emptiness here, but grieving families and friends. Being more compassionate to your gay, lesbian, transgender and bisexual son or daughter takes a lot more than mere words. A review of your own morals and changes to your reading of the Word may help in figuring this all out. As I told the mother-in-question: “spend some time with those in the LGBTQ community” and suggested a more progressive look at the biblical world around her.

The conversation ended abruptly. Well lady, I’m not done.

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Filed under Arts and Mines, Bullies, Fretting Muchly, LGBTQ Awesomeness, Progressive Christianity

My Bra-free Experiment Turned Into An Act of Love

You read that right.

I decided to go without a bra for November 2015. It is now 3 May 2016 and I am still without the necessary equipment. Though it started out as an experiment, it turned out to be a shout-out to my hidden feminist self. I asked, “why does my gender need to be defined by my undergarments?” This is why:

Distributing Dignity

As per the mission of the organisation, “Distributing Dignity‚Äôs mission is to Distribute new bras, pads and tampons, enhancing the Dignity of women in need.” I for one not once thought a bra confined me to a role of a woman. The lingerie shops do sell some beautiful things, things to make a woman feel more feminine (sure), but also allows her to define herself in her own way. I never thought of buying sexy underwear for Richard’s benefit, though there is some of that as well, but as a feminist, I believe this has everything to do with me. Distributing Dignity is helping women in need with the necessities of confidence and the empowerment lost whilst on the streets. This organisation is based in the US, but Saskatoon has a similar programme, as I am sure most places in Canada, the US and Europe.

We read about reports about the wage gap between men and women almost on a daily basis, as in this example: Firms forced to reveal gender pay gap (1) What we do not hear much about is this: When There’s No Place Like Home: A Snapshot of Women’s Homelessness in Canada (2)¬†Abuse, neglect, addiction and ignorance make being a woman in need exceptionally hard, even more if her self-worthiness is taken away. The basic need to donate¬†hygienic items makes being a feminist even more important. Women on the street are not looking for the next pick-me-up brazier, but a way to feel more like a … woman. I stopped wearing a bra for the same reason, but I realised women can feel just as important and confident with¬†or without a bra.

I also do not shave. Now, summer is soon approaching and it will be time for me to trim the hedge. The women on the street cannot due to various reasons, the main one being availability of razors and a safe place to take care of themselves. I have also thought about having a Laparoscopic hysterectomy (3). I would no longer worry about having my period. Sure, there may be some hormonal changes to deal with, but I am getting used to that with my depression. Women in need sometimes go for months without proper feminine hygiene products. I have donated feminine hygiene products and other items to a drop-off bin at one of the churches here in Waldheim.

I hear complaints about girls and women dressing like princesses. There is a belief, and in some cases rightly so, that these women are selfish and self-centred. There are moments I want to wear a dress, high-heeled shoes, make-up, jewellry, and snazzy underwear; this still makes me a feminist. I do not put on another personality. Women in need and those of meager means have every right to feel like  beautiful princess or not a princess. Giving a homeless woman the opportunity to feel part of the community makes us all better women, better people.

I ask for all women who call themselves feminists to help other women, not by posting a story about the wage gap, but by helping a homeless woman feel like a woman, feel like a person.

I will still not wear a bra. I here the jokes about women who choose not to wear bras and shave; apparently, they are disgusting and should stay at home. I chose not to do both, not to stand up for my womanliness, but for the dignity of a woman in need who want to feel special and more like a woman.

(1)¬†“Firms Forced to Reveal Gender Pay Gap.” BBC News Service. Copyright ¬© 2016 BBC, 12 Feb. 2016. Web. 03 May 2016.
(2)¬†“When There’s No Place Like Home.” YMCA: A Turning Point for Women(n.d.): n. page. YMCA Canada. Web. 03 May 2016.
(3) “Hysterectomy.” Home. ¬© 2012 Canadian Women’s Health Network., n.d. Web. 03 May 2016.

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There It Is Then

My admission of being a Humanist shocked him a bit, but after supper Richard finally understood my anger at religion last night (6th April) at supper.

We went to the restaurant in town. Having gone through a horrible day (our black car has been declared a write-off as of 7th April), I had a meltdown whilst eating my scrumptious chicken bacon burger, chips and gravy. I was angry at myself, my car, my former religion and lastly, my former manager who came in to eat in the restaurant with his family. All these things brought honesty to my decision, an approach I had been so afraid to take before – outloud at least.

I do not think my Nativity painting from Kindergarten would not be well liked by the leaders of a children’s church group today. I thought along pratical and realistic lines. If something happend at night, draw it at night. Jesus was born (as I assumed) at night:

image

Upon reflection, this does look more like a Norse god storyboard rather than the Christmas story.

My biggest argument against the Christian faith is its lack of humamness. Greed, sex, gossip and conceit are part of the Atheist world as well as in the Christian line of cars. These, and other human feelings, are just that – human. I want to live the life I have right now and worry about collecting enough love points to get into heaven. Not anymore.

I no longer want to live forever.

I will be getting my dates for helping out with the SSO this week as there are two main concerts left; otherwise, I am on the list for next season. I may also volunteer at the WDM this summer. My goal to give back to the community is being done in a different way. There is also The Station Arts Centre in Rosthern. There is room for a liitle Humanist intervention here, now all I need to do is intervent.

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Filed under Atheists Are People Too, Contentment, Progressive Christianity

Do I Really Have Very Little Faith?

It has been about two months since I broke away from religion. Monday (14 March) Richard made a comment that surprised me a bit. I commented on how strong in faith some transgender people are, even though the church does not return the favour. Richard pointed out that I have very little faith. I did not disagree; my so-called faith has somewhat diminished.

But has it?¬†Not in the way you would think. Sure, the religiousness has left me, but my belief in goodness has not but you already know that. The Saskatchewan provincial election is going to be a great test for my new self. So far it has been rather boring. Yes “they” did “that” and the “other side” is going to cause a collapse of some kind. Mind you “they” could do even worse; like Alberta!”

Oy vey.¬†Compared to the Schmootz Show going on in America, boring is just fine. So far I have not written anything to Commie-like, but there is still time. ūüėą

No, I should try to stay out of it. I have decided to focus my … I don’t know what to call it … on music. I have applied to be a volunteer for the Saskatoon Symphony Orchestra. As of 17 March I have not heard if my application has been accepted. Richard is proud of me for taking this step.

I would love to be an ambassador for the SSO. I cannot commit myself for every concert, but I will give my all when I do help. I mentioned to Richard that this is my service to the community. The SSO serves a purpose in encouraging art through music. I am a fan! This is not a religious organisation, but one that is important to help people grow intellectually. Not in an elitist way, mind.

My faith, a word I am stealing for this project, is still strong. The idea that helping out at the SSO makes me proud. I understand there are families in my community that are in financial despair and in need of support. I get that. With school programmes offered by the Saskatoon Symphony Orchestra, children may never be offered an alternative to sports. I believe physical activities are important for the mind and the body, but so is music (and other fine arts). Not all children can play soccer, baseball or hockey. I will not feel guilty for wanting to help out; music is in my blood, music is important for my healing.

I made this decision to go in a different way. Being able to branch out, be able to hear great music, participate in helping others enjoy the magic of Beethoven, Wagner (and you know how much I like Wagner – eek), Rossini and Mozart is just what I need. I want to make new friends. As I told a friend: I love going to a symphonic concert; even though the music itself is hundreds of years old, the players and the interpretations are recent and innovative.

So no, I do not have little faith. I have decided to take a chance and live a little by giving back  to a group that plays music I have been carrying around for over twenty years. My first experience watching a symphonic performance was in the gym of M.J. Coldwell School in Regina with the Regina Symphony Orchestra. Later, whilst studying Music at the University of Regina, I would regularly go see the RSO for five dollars or for free. I was introduced to opera by the performance of La Traviata. For the life of me I do not remember which operatic group operated the performance. Though I was not a huge opera fan, I did ask for a CD copy of  Il barbiere di Siviglia (The Barber of Saville) by Rossini for my university graduation present. I will be seeing the very same opera 18 June, 2016, performed by the Saskatoon Opera. I will get to hear my favourite aria of all time:

I have been stretched by various elements that in most cases would shatter a person’s belief in a higher deity. Oh yes, I no longer believe in an organised or disorganised religion, but the faith in humanity is still inside my soul, which I still have as well, just in ¬†different guise.

That is a good thing.

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Filed under Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment, Musical Fruits, Progressive Christianity, Theatre Of A Lifetime