Category Archives: Work

I Get So Excited About Stuff

Yes, I do.

Then the fall down is super hard and emotionally hurtie. Opportunity knocks but I can’t seem to get to the door to answer. I am still in recovery mode, making the feeling of inadequacy more real. I have talked about this is different formats; yet, the end results are the same.

I do have to thank all of you for being my besties. Sure, we get on each other’s nerves at time, run into language barriers (most being the English vs. English), but the majority of the time, we love each other. Our community, like a good number found on the planet, is unique and sometimes weird. Okay, for me it is mostly weird.

The collapse of my radio show was the biggest hit, to be honest. The dream of coming out from under the gloomy Saskatchewan setting is broken. I will remain as I have always been: unlucky. Or not.

“Unluck”, I think, may be a construct. Do we create this idea or do events mashed together to cause us to believe this … concept? Unfortunately, episodes are part and parcel of living in this space. I keep reminding myself to remain positive through the strife, though it is rather difficult due to present circumstances. I have gone back to listening to audiobooks, as the spoken version of my favourite books seems to carry some of the weight away. Unlike booky books, I do find it easier to fall asleep whilst listening. I have accumulated a fair number of badges on Audible, partially due to this small inconvenience.

I spoke to a courier a few months ago and he said hosting a late-night blues show on CFCR in Saskatoon was his saving grace through the grumbly times. He did encourage me to keep up with my Classical music mixes, regardless of the fact they are made on my laptop. He did not consider his “career” to be delivering packages to the middle of nowhere, but the fact he could listen to music in his car and the odd show on his mobile made it worth it. There is no such thing, in his opinion, of a dream job. Those that say there is, have too much money and time. I agree. To finish the idea, these same people seem to spend the money they do have trying to achieve an even greater fantasy, which becomes a nightmare.

That one break is what I need, whether it being a position as an office administrator or creative writer for a local radio station. My short-story career will only be one for the duotang crowd – self-publishing the good ol’ inkjet way.

My driver friend’s best piece of advice for me to remember when I get frustrated about not knowing much about the DJ business is this:

“What is the difference between a 7-inch and a 12-inch? Five inches.”


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Filed under Musical Fruits, Work

Don’t Make Me Do Research

Oh, my goodness.

I had great plans on writing a post about church budgets, Communion and tarot cards, but a co-worker blow-up caused me to want to write about music at work, but alas, I don’t want to do that now. There is no use complaining about the denial of access to brain-saving devices if no one is there to reverse the decision.

I am still coping with the effects of the accident. I get so tired, yet as I am the only one able to drive right now, I need to be more attentive. This is affecting my ability to do my normal tasks, like making coffee and climbing the stairs to sort papers. Climbing stairs … please, just the thought causes grief. My mental state was being tested and I think it was going well. I almost fell apart, but thanks to my music and collection of audiobooks, I had come out less battered.

Until the Friday meltdown about the music. This time it was not me.

Step back a bit, for just a moment. One of the saddest results of this accident is my ability to read and type for long periods of time. I need to use email at work and our accounting program is on the computer, but I need to take eye breaks more often. My last post took a few tries to finish. I have needed to use a dimmed screen to and even enlarged the display size on my laptop at home and computer at work. Reading from books will come back, I hope. In most cases, the fonts are too small for me to read for long periods of time. My doctor does not think this sidestep is permanent. If I had a concussion, it was a very mild one and is healing quite well. He knows I have to drive and told me to make sure to do it in stages.

I give Richard a lot of credit, he is ready to go back to work tomorrow (10 Jan). I do not think I am ready yet, but there is nothing physically wrong with me. Mentally, I am a shambles, but not bad enough to take leave. Now that the one solace I have at work has been taken away, I am afraid of going mad; again.

I have to speak the words: “it is going to be okay” out loud so I can believe them.

Oh, there will be a post about church budgets, Communion and tarot cards (a continuation of a previous report I put up), but it will be less angry and may include videos of cats.

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Filed under Health Check, Mental Illness, Musical Fruits, Work

Juss Cuss

If you feel you don’t fit in with a group, whether it being your workplace, a family function, or a Facebook collective, please remember that you were hired, born into, or invited for a reason. In some cases, the very people who roped you in may feel the same way. I am not saying you should do a survey, but I have a sneaking suspicion I am pretty close.

You may have people tell you to adjust your behaviour, yet it seems the one who has served thirty years at the same job (for example) did not get the same message. This may be true, but you also don’t know what changes they’ve made before you arrived on the scene; they may have been a lot worse. Stuff went on before you/me arrived. That is not to say we do not need some improvement, only thing to do is review the criticism (as this is what it is 98% of the time) and take stock of what can be changed versus what you think should be changed. Remember, you may feel you are in a place that is the personification of inbred cocker spaniels doing human things, but your introduction may have off-set the balance. You may have to re-calibrate yourself at first then slowly introduce your real self.

Goodness gracious, change can be good … for everyone. Speaking on a personal level, I am so lucky to have been able to express my innermost feelings (at a price), my dreams (no matter how far-fetched), and my artistic abilities (relating to finished projects). Take pride in change, even the bad ones. Of course, the bad one is not good, but the good one will not be bad.

I am not the same person I was two years ago or five days ago. We all have something holding us back and something pushing us forward. I have made concessions, agreements, and promises – some of these welcomed, some through sheer disapproval. Now, you know that not everyone will like you, and in turn, you will not like them. That is part of human nature. Actually, not all lions get along, so it is a NATURE thing, human or Panthera leo. Do not be upset; yet on the flipside, do not be the one upsetting. The thing about relationships is sometimes it is not about you, me, him, or her. Other times is is always about you, me, him, or her. Developing a good relationship comes with altering behaviour and accepting behaviour.

Forget the saying “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” That is a ridiculous concept. You should be prepared to support, or as I do, carry people in your heart. You cannot experience a person’s joys and sufferings, and they cannot do the same for you. We are only witnesses to each other’s happenings, whether we are physically there or we hear about it over the waves. Compassion is the key to surviving the relationship thing. When I was a practicing Christian, I found it more difficult to care about someone, for fear I was doing it wrong. No, I take that back, I cared differently. Now that I have stepped aside, I see compassion exists. There are people who I have worked with who believe in the power of the Ouija even though it is a made-up game. I giggle, but I have learned not to mention this out loud. I have seen charitableness in a thousand-million forms from my Christian brothers and sisters with no judgement (well, maybe a bit, but they are human). My Atheist and Agnostic cohorts are some of the first to step up and help someone in need. That is awesome!

It is also a crutch.

We all have background things to deal with, some are more frontal than others. I am not afraid to share. Hey, it’s all part of healing. I have learned to be nice to everyone, obvs. I have also learned to carry secrets. I have experienced high-school behaviour amongst forty year old adults. We all have. Granted, some of us are guilty of being one of the accused. Be honest. 

Please, let’s all just be good to each other. Stop collecting info on Facebook, start collecting Pokémon. I do not have the capacity to work at your high-speed level. You may not be able to comprehend the works of Geoffrey Chaucer. Teamwork, I think is the word I am looking for. We are in this together, but sometimes others are more enthusiastic than their partners. Punishing a friend or a co-worker for a meltdown is not how we are supposed to get things done.

Humiliation is not the key to compliance. I do not like a clean desktop (the one on a desk not a computer). You may not like photographs in silver frames. As I mentioned earlier, we need to accept the fact we need to make adjustments, we have quotas to fill, we have cupcakes to make, and sometimes the procedures change. Like living in a new city, we have to learn to read a new map.

We need to rely on each other to make sure the squeaky wheel gets greased. We need to follow the rules, yet be prepared to change things up. We all have gifts and skills along with issues and problems. If a co-worker does something to piss you off, say something. Don’t shun and play favourites; it makes you look silly. It is up to us to encourage each other and break down barriers.

By breaking down barriers, I do not mean break the coffee pot.

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Filed under Atheists Are People Too, Family and Friends, Fretting Muchly, Just Because ... Everyone Has This Kind of Moment, Musical Fruits, Progressive Christianity, Work

Only You Can Make Monday Great

How come people dislike Mondays? Is it the indication of the end of a weekend? Sunday is supposed to be a happy day, if you are inclined to that, but most dread it. Monday seems to get a bum rap. Bum wrap? A rap on the bum? I do not mind Mondays; in fact I will stand up for Monday; Monday needs a friend right about now.

I am not saying that because I just started taking anti-depression medication. There is a group of “industry” people making money off people who suffer with mental illness by declaring their wares will help in the suffering. The cold winters of Saskatchewan may cause a bit of not-wellness, and some people do go through a winter funk, but I have never heard of a specific Monday declaring this as a thing. Labelling a day, a Monday, as ‘Blue’, as what has been done in the UK – the third Monday of January:

Get ready for ‘Blue Monday’ – the gloomiest day of the year (1)

When I think of “Blue Monday” , I think of New Order:

Most statutory holidays in Canada are on a Monday: Family Day (second Monday in February in Saskatchewan, called other names in other provinces), Labour Day (first Monday in September),  Thanksgiving (second Monday in October), Some kind of holiday name (second Monday in August). Victoria Day (celebrated on the last Monday before 25 May), and I am sure there are more. Christmas, Boxing Day (not a statutory holiday), Remembrance Day, and Canada Day do not have fixed days; they go all willy-nilly. I do see the odd post saying the Tuesday following the holiday Monday is like a Monday. No, it is still a Tuesday, sadly.

I used to dread making a huge mistake on a Friday, especially one when the boss was away, then going back to work on Monday to confront him/her. I soon realised I can make a big mistake on a Wednesday and the boss could be right around the corner. The weekend was not going to stop me from worrying any less. I have slowly left work at work, and Richard is grateful. I still panic, luckily it is over quickly. In fact, sometimes Monday cannot come soon enough.

Sometimes I find Thursday to be the longest day of the week for me. I know it is not Friday, which means the day after that is Saturday. Saturday means laundry. Thursday is just a meh day. Unless my birthday is on a Thursday. Thankfully the calendar works in such a way that my birthday will fall on every day of the week, and so does yours. Ah, I can even make a meh day seem kinda cool.

I say we try that with Monday. Monday can feel like a Thursday. Monday can feel like any day and any day can feel like a Monday.

(1)Payton, Matt. “Get Ready for ‘Blue Monday’ – the Gloomiest Day of the Year.” Metro Get Ready for Blue Monday the Gloomiest Day of The Year, 18 Jan. 2015. Web. 30 Nov 2015


Filed under Contentment, Downtime, Work

Whoa It Down A Little Bit

Richard asked if I wanted to go to his church picnic in a couple of weeks. I thought about it for a bit, and reluctantly said ‘yes’. That is one of my many flaws, or maybe a piece of myself that needs to make sure everyone hears the correct answer.

I will go if my former manager and the woman who endorsed my manager’s visit my house are not going. That will never happen, so I may not happen.

For those not aware, my former manager took it upon himself to phone my house twice and visit my home in order to pressure me into attending a voluntary supper at his house in 2013 after (in a depressive state) I stated to a co-worker I did not want to go. This co-worker was my ride to the show.

I believe most in town know the situation. I have told a few people and even wrote about it – heck half of the office and related brokers must have read my ramblings due to the huge numbers of readers when I filed my complaint wih the CEO. No matter how close people outside and inside the workplace are, personal space is just that. Invasion for the sake of inclusion is technically against OH&S regulations. The woman who disclosed my disfavour at going was on the OH&S committee. 

Richard asked if I plan on avoiding everyone in town. No, that is tough to do. I had said I was brave and will not be intimidated, but that has not been the case. I know Richard enjoys the people that go to that church, even saying my former manager’s wife is a great person. I agree, but the situation with her husband has made things really uncomfortable.

I describe the situation as inappropriate. Luckily most of the people I have told, some attend the very same church as him, say the same thing. All agree I should have filed a complaint with the Human Rights Board, not just with the CEO.

I hardly think anything was done. As far as I know majority of the people involved in this whole mess are still employed there. I am happily away from that place, but my heart and brain almost explode when I go anywhere near the place. The office is across from the post office and the restaurant.

Should I go? I do not want to, as I am afraid. Not afaid of the blades, but of the potential to actually say some swear words at those who did their best at being worst.

How would that be for a Sunday church picnic?     


Filed under Bullies, Fretting Muchly, Work

Evaluate My Work, Not My Body Art

I am torn. I used to believe in self-expression, but thought it best covered when in “certain” circumstances. Now not so much. My opinion changed a while back when the good Chritstian ladies at my former workplace criticised the “people of Wales Mart”. Five minutes in the Darian region of Panama and a number of tribal areas in Africa would change their opinions on dress acceptance.

I would someday like to get a tattoo, but I won’t out of fear of not liking it in a few years, not due to opinions of others. Some businesses do not like tattoo expressions, long, glittery nails, piercings, oh, and so much more. My tattoos or earrings would in no way take away my professionalism and compassion.

Express yourself, please!

Ambika Kamath

When I was an undergrad, one of my reasons for wanting to continue in academia was my aversion to Western formal clothing. If I became a Ph.D. student and then a professor, I thought, I would hardly ever need to wear suits or dress shirts, and such a life appealed to me. I had seen academics of all stripes dress in all sorts of ways, and I naively believed that this signalled something very progressive about academia’s stance towards appearance: wear what you want, because you’ll be evaluated based upon your ideas and work, not how you choose to present yourself.

But a recent article in a column called Ask Alice (published on the website of Science, one of the most high profile scientific journals out there) confirms my naivete. In this piece, an anonymous academic who finds themselves in a “conservative place” for their postdoc, asks Dr. Alice Huang, “Am I crazy…

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Filed under Work

My Former Workplace

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Filed under Bullies, Work

What To Do About Your Jerk of a Boss Before You Get PTSD | Alternet

I wish I read this before I got to where I am now.

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Filed under Bullies, Progressive Christianity, Work

Naming ‘workplace bullying’: Women workers speak out | Canadian Women’s Health Network

Naming ‘workplace bullying’: Women workers speak out | Canadian Women’s Health Network.

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Filed under Bullies, Work

Forgiveness Is Possible

Oh, and it is.

I have reworked this post, as I think I need to get passed this conundrum. I have upset the very people who upset me, and for that I will carry the burden forever.

I have forgiven them, as I hope they will do to me. But I highly doubt it, and that is OK by me.

People, and I include myself in this, do stupid things. We hurt those we love, and even those we hate. That is what being a human is all about. God created monsters. It is up to us to fix ourselves, not others.

My family and friends still love me, and that is what matters. I may not have many friends in town and surrounding areas, but I can live with that. I can still live here. I want to still live here, more now than ever. I felt at first that I should leave, but I think I need to stay. I need to stay to show that I do not feel fear. I will not fall for that.

Forgiveness is possible. Forgiveness is available. Forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness is love.

*** Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads. The links are found on your right. You think I am crazy here, check me out on the other pages. ***

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Filed under Bullies, Contentment, Work