Category Archives: Mental Illness

London 2017

I have friends in London and thankfully they are all safe after yesterday’s terrorist attack. I felt strange but for some reason, not as strange as I was after what happened in Ottawa, Paris, Brussels and …

I am not getting used to this. I read about the resilience of the people of London, and the UK as well, which does give me some comfort. What does cause me concern is the rise of hate coming from everywhere. Yes, my dad is still on the rampage; in case you are wondering. My heart aches to see loving Muslims automatically apologise for the actions of this British-born man who chose to cause destruction and murder people – a police officer, a mum and four others (five dead 3.45pm). I am not going into the philosophical discussion as to the cause of homegrown extremism; I’ll let the experts do that.

I may seem a bit cold-hearted for not reposting the call for prayers – those badly constructed memes that popped up seconds after the reports came out. Look, most of us are praying already, you don’t need to make this an official command. Our non-theist friends, they too are hoping for peace and a some calm. I will not be one to post a flag on my profile picture, as I have done once before, I have become a supporter of humankind, not one country. Oh, please do not dislike me for this – do not, ever! You have no idea how horrible I feel for the people I know who work in the area of Westminster.

I have picked an odd time to go back to my Christian roots. God does not like what is going on, from all sides. I do not want to hear the comparisons of the Christian God and the Muslim God. My goodness, give it a rest. I also do not like people bringing up the Crusades as an example of Christian violence. No, Christians are becoming more subversive in their treatment of non-Christians, or even Progressive Christians, to be honest. We take this as “okay” and “well, it could be worse”.

It is getting worse. It is also getting better.

I can talk about loving our brothers and sisters until forever, and most do understand. We all know there are those who choose to be hateful and take steps to act out this anger. This has been going on since humans (and their prehistory ancestors) discovered feelings. The weapons and modes of inflicting pain have changed (I will not say improved) but the underlying element has not. Standing up to this anger with anger does not work. Governments will make decisions in which may cause more disparity and uncomfortableness; that is part of protecting their citizens, unfortunately.

I am a ball of emotion. Going through bodily rehabilitation has made my anxiety disorder a bit more sensitive. PTSD is a bastard. Events like the terrorist attack yesterday just hit me hard. I have always known I cannot control the after effects of these events; yet, my brain says I have to try.

Again, my heart and my thoughts (these are allowed) go out to all my London friends, their families who worried, the survivors and especially to those who were lost; their families have a piece missing from their life.

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Filed under Good Parents, Mental Illness, Progressive Christianity

(Unfuddled)

Just going through another conflict. This time I think I may have won.

To make a long story short (and to prove a point brought up by a curmudgeon) I finally had to claim my space back. I have cut myself off from my parents due to their support for an ethical Canada (and Denmark). My brother is part of this as well because he couldn’t care less about my state of mind to begin with. I made the statement that my mental health is more important than their fear of ISIS. I still think Indian Head is safe.

When I see postings declaring a “war” on Islam, a call to protest (writtenly and physically) against Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, I had to call those out asking where they were when the Saskatchewan government threatened to cut wages and slash jobs to save pennies they forgot to save when the economy was good. Granted, the motion to pass Islamaphobia (specifically) as a hate crime does need to be expanded, but it in no way opens the door for the Islamification of Canada.

I have split myself from these people before. The difference is my approach to the situation. How can I find any compassion with people like my dad who constantly forget the governments they voted for make people like me lose hope in treatment? My dad’s answer to me finding help was: “let’s hope you get help soon, as we don’t want to hear about you jumping off a bridge.” Mental illness affects other families, not his.

The MP in the riding my parents live in is running for the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada – Andrew Scheer. Though not as creepy, it is so difficult to read some of his concepts; there really isn’t anything of value, especially when representing a riding with 14 First Nations reservations. He represents a group of marginalised people; people who have for years have been abused, ostracised and forgotten.

There is no open support for our First Nations brothers and sisters. My parents have yet to respond to my coming out as bisexual. As hinted at earlier, my mental illness seems like an inconvience. I am worth more than that. My husband Richard is saddened by the turn of events, but this had turned to anger. He wants my dad to apologise.

There is no deal making. I will not ask for forgiveness in return for an apology. 

Not this time.

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Filed under Family and Friends, Good Parents, Mental Illness, Progressive Christianity

Radio Show

I am in the midst of a weird dream. I recently lost my job due to shortage of work; however, I took this better than I thought I would. I still want to work, do not get me wrong. I am looking for that one place who will take a crazy lady who likes to keep track of pens.

Simple. Complicated.

Reading of the job shortage has me worried, of course, yet I feel more empowered to show my offerings. I also would like a place that is okay with my ramblings and misfirings of thought. Hey, I’m just like everybody else, really. Writing and reading has helped me get through some of the uncertainty.

Prior to losing my job, I was presented with the opportunity to do a radio show; outloud. As some of you know I have done a few vlog posts on this page and my friend told me the world needs to hear more. I have been posting Classical music mixes (well, two) on MixCloud: https://www.mixcloud.com/wendalynn-donnan/

The world needs more of me? I took the step. I recorded a half-hour programme called (drum roll!!!) Progressive Rubber Boots. I all for stepping out, but I still need to watch were my feet go; I need the familiar. This is also my space. I only picked my DJ name – DJ Awesome Sauce – out of enjoyment. I have no plans to be a famous DJ. A radio show host? That might be more attainable. ‘Famous’ is a bit of a stretch, to be honest.

The show will focus on a number of subjects. You know of my interest in music and history. My good friend who suggested I jump out of the box told me to take a stab at the visual arts. This will be programme of the “arts” and I will try to incorporate all aspects of the spectrum. 

I do not want to lose my sense of humour. Oh, there will tons of room for laughing; laughing with me and laughing at me. I am listening to Bonnie Tyler’s Faster than the Speed of Night, which I should not be doing at the coffee shop in case I get all empowered and wave my arms around. See, I don’t want to lose that.

I will post the show here (and other social media sites), for all my friends and family. Programme notes and additional observations will be placed here as well. I still believe the written word is important, but its connection to music is even more necessary.

Be on the lookout for the inaugural Progressive Rubbet Boots radio show 21 February 2017. The link to the channel will be posted on my blog page for all to listen to and to share.

Classmates, have yourself a great day. See you in a week!

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Filed under Arts and Mines, Downtime, Hobby Go Wild, Mental Illness, Musical Fruits, Work, Writing and Reading

Don’t Make Me Do Research

Oh, my goodness.

I had great plans on writing a post about church budgets, Communion and tarot cards, but a co-worker blow-up caused me to want to write about music at work, but alas, I don’t want to do that now. There is no use complaining about the denial of access to brain-saving devices if no one is there to reverse the decision.

I am still coping with the effects of the accident. I get so tired, yet as I am the only one able to drive right now, I need to be more attentive. This is affecting my ability to do my normal tasks, like making coffee and climbing the stairs to sort papers. Climbing stairs … please, just the thought causes grief. My mental state was being tested and I think it was going well. I almost fell apart, but thanks to my music and collection of audiobooks, I had come out less battered.

Until the Friday meltdown about the music. This time it was not me.

Step back a bit, for just a moment. One of the saddest results of this accident is my ability to read and type for long periods of time. I need to use email at work and our accounting program is on the computer, but I need to take eye breaks more often. My last post took a few tries to finish. I have needed to use a dimmed screen to and even enlarged the display size on my laptop at home and computer at work. Reading from books will come back, I hope. In most cases, the fonts are too small for me to read for long periods of time. My doctor does not think this sidestep is permanent. If I had a concussion, it was a very mild one and is healing quite well. He knows I have to drive and told me to make sure to do it in stages.

I give Richard a lot of credit, he is ready to go back to work tomorrow (10 Jan). I do not think I am ready yet, but there is nothing physically wrong with me. Mentally, I am a shambles, but not bad enough to take leave. Now that the one solace I have at work has been taken away, I am afraid of going mad; again.

I have to speak the words: “it is going to be okay” out loud so I can believe them.

Oh, there will be a post about church budgets, Communion and tarot cards (a continuation of a previous report I put up), but it will be less angry and may include videos of cats.

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Filed under Health Check, Mental Illness, Musical Fruits, Work