I find out my times for volunteering at the SSO on Saturday. Excited muchly, I am. Also, after posting a photo of the model train display by the Saskatoon Railroad Modellers Group at the Western Development Museum to Tim Dunn (@MrTimDunn), a model villager and railroad fan, he suggested I join the club. Oh, the thought had crossed my mind. I failed to tell him I also have some videos. I had so much fun.
My parents came up for the Easter weekend, which was the reason for the visit to the WDM. This weekend was fantabulous. I did not feel any pressure to explain myself to my parents. They understood my last breakdown, which a few of you had to witness. I watched Richard go to church on Sunday. I did feel a bit sad for him, as we used to go together, but my feelings for what this holiday represents brought back a memory of a recent moment in time I think may have been a hint I was in the wrong place. It took a couple more to finally get me to a different place.
After a busy summer of a job shake-up, it was decided our small group was to no longer exist. Most of me was glad, as it was getting to be rather uncomfortable; not due to the people, but due to the people. Yes, you read correctly. Gosh, I feel silly to talk about this, but I really cannot find the nerve to do it out loud.
Not having the bible school background and to ability to fake my way into promoting the kingdom made some of the sessions unbearable. My secular university education did not prepare me for this. Nobody wanted to hear about the early church in the UK. History of the “church” only includes Peter, Paul and Mary (sadly, no dragons).
This brings up the point about the one speaker at my former church commending Charlemagne for spreading Christianity throughout Europe. After a number of conversations with other Bethany College (now closed) it would not surprise me that this speaker would not know Charlemagne (as stated in writing) committed genocide.
As pointed out by one of the classmates, bible schools are mostly denominational; so the curriculum is somewhat one sided. Fair enough, but nothing is stopping these good Christian kids from taking the time to expand their knowledge of their faith. I got tired of offering alternatives to the “stories”. Maybe my attempt at teaching sounded more like sarcasm? I will admit there were times it was intended.
The conversating also became very difficult. Whilst Richard and the other boys talked about hockey, The Walking Dead, comics and The Walking Dead reading comics during a hockey game, I got to listen to tantrum stories and bottle feeding issues. Sometimes I would join the discussion, but due to a useless womb, my additions were rather mundane. Though I have nothing but the highest regard for stay-at-home mums (my mother was one), I wanted to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone for a couple of minutes. Why did I have to conform to their idea of wonderfulness?
It felt like that moment at a family gathering where you are too young to sit with the adults, but too old to play with the cousins. I felt like I did not fit in; it was 1984 all over again.
I can count on my hands and feet the number of times I got the “I’m sorry to hear that” nod. I must have come across as not very bright. I would walk home, though mostly in silence, complain about not fitting in. How do I fit in now?
“Hey Wendy, you don’t have to; you are just fine as yourself,” I hear you say. That is why I feel a separarion is needed. Though I was well-liked for my scripture reading, very few wanted to get to know me. I am more than capable of reading non-biblibal works out loud. I read to Richard in the car quite a bit and he laughs. The SSO will give me an opportunity to branch out.
I don’t think I am quite ready for the model train club, however, I may volunteer at the WDM.
(1) Evans, G. R. “Christian History Institute.” Christian History Institute. N.p., 2014. Web. 28 Mar. 2016.