Mighty Big Time

Again with the stuff.

I found myself more tired yesterday than I did after my sleep-filled Christmas break. Granted I did stay up until almost midnight writing here the night before. Last night was another late night as Richard and I saw The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug. It was going to be a blustery night to see a movie, so I hoped that the drive home was OK. The sad part about the the end of a bitter cold snap is the snow that follows on the warm-up. -45°C with the wind does not the body good, but it is nice not to be blinded by swirling snow. Luckily for us the weather co-operated and it was a kind drive home.

Today I am a little better, even at 5.14 am as my body knows it is Friday. It is even stranger how Wednesday felt like a Sunday. I have yet made the mistake of writing ‘2013’ instead of ‘2014’. As I an in the process of finishing the March 2014 renewals, I have been writing ‘2014’ for three months already. Yes, I was all ready for the new year on a completely written level.

I turn 40 this year. Not the first person to do so I must say. I will not be the last. There are things I would like to do and others that I wanted to to, but really don’t have the drive to do anymore. I would like to go to Europe, but where and for how long I really can’t say. Since meeting Richard this past summer was the first I have spent at home. I now know what my yard looks like in July – all of July. With money restraints on the horizon, it may be another staycation. Which is perfectly fine for me. Richard has spent his entire life doing something for holidays and the idea of doing nothing makes him uneasy, which makes me irritated.

Am I nervous or depressed about turning 40 this year? No, I will be glad to have reached that mark. I am happy to have made it this far and I hope to have a bit more left in me to make it to 50. My health and its doings are tough on me right now, but I have been through a lot worse. Getting back into the piano swing of things will help with my confidence. I do have some, but it makes it appearance at the most awkward of times. Times that should have kept it in its little box at the pit of my stomach. Should I use this moment for reflection? No. Do I have any regrets? I would not be human if I say “no”. Do I have any desires or aspirations? Uhmm …

I have not done a resolution list and I do not think I have ever made one. I have not intent on making a list of things I will never do, as I do just fine doing that without a reminder. No, I think I will be going about my thing and hope it all turns out all right. In the past I would buy a daily planner with the hopes that it would help me remember appointments, birthdays and the like, but it ended up as a reminder of the thing I forgot to use. Sticky notes are my means for remembering and making lists – until they fall off the fridge or the back of my e-reader. I need to get into the continuing habit of noting appointments on the calendar like Richard does. Every year I start doing that in January and stop in February.

Desires or aspirations? I can’t think of any. Everybody wants something whether it is monetarily or emotionally based. I do not think I can do that now. Maybe it is the Going-to-be-40 talking. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I wish for good health and a long life with my husband. That is something I don’t think I should have to state, it is automatic. I believe I will get what I need and in some cases what I want when the time is right.

Remember that it is only the 3rd on January. It is too early retro- and introspection.

And it is Friday.

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